Circle is a structured and intentional space designed to promote connection, understanding and dialogue in a group. Derived from Indigenous customs throughout the world, Circles are a return to modes of relating that honor the humanity, knowledge, gifts, and lived experiences of everyone present.

There are only a few simple practices that are necessary to make a gathering a Circle:

• Everyone must be seated in a Circle, or at least able to see everyone’s face (such as in a zoom gallery).
• A talking piece is used to denote who in the Circle is speaking.
• Something is placed in the center to serve as a visual reminder of the work being done.
• Values are reflected upon and used to inform co-created guidelines.
• A practice is used to open and close the Circle.

When the container is held with integrity, Circles have the potential to be vital, potent cauldrons of relational magic.

These simple practices create a space with a feeling radically different from most spaces in American culture. At their heart, Circles offer us the rare chance to slow down and truly listen. More than a place to speak, Circle is a place to listen and be listened to. Circle is a living cauldron of thought, feeling, voice, and lived experience. From it, we can draw meaning, healing, connection, and transformation. Over time, it becomes a place where community grows roots, and where you may discover profound, unexpected resonance with others.

7 SIGNS THAT CIRCLE IS THE PRACTICE YOU’VE BEEN ACHING FOR

If you see yourself in any of the following signs then you might be one of those humans who is aching for a simpler, deeper and more meaningful way of relating to others.

SIGN 1: Shallow conversations drain you.

Most public spaces, such as work or school, don’t encourage us to show up as our genuine, whole, and imperfect selves, so to participate the common move is to stay surface-level, safe, and “nice”. Part of the drain comes from the calculus to figure out what to talk about instead of what’s really on our mind - The weather? Work? But the bigger drain is the energy it takes to suppress our Truth, to be disingenuous and essentially, fake because we are wired for authenticity and connection! It is also subtly taxing to register the fakeness in another, to reconcile that their words or tone don't match their energy. In fact, this incongruence stresses out our nervous systems, according to Poly Vagal theory, and for those with traumatic life experiences, can trigger feelings of unsafety.
Yet most spaces are not friendly towards realness or depth. Not welcoming towards expressions of emotion, conflict, or complexity. These things, which are truly hallmarks of our humanity, are woefully marginalized in most public spaces. And to make matters worse, the same can be true for many of our private spaces like in our very families. How did it get to be this way? Well, that's a topic for another article. But it wasn’t always this way… I like to imagine that, as an early species, we moved towards ways of being together that felt calming and nourishing to our bodies, minds, and hearts, and that Circle developed out of these needs.

SIGN 2: You’re not shy, but you find it hard to speak up in groups.

Growing up, I was called quiet and shy because I didn’t speak much in groups. However, it never felt completely accurate because I always had a LOT to say, and desperately wanted to say it. I struggled to speak, and sometimes still do without an invitation. For those sensitive to the flow of attention and energy in the room, it can be hard to find where they fit and to take up space. Many people find it uncomfortable to insert themselves, and the more unstructured an environment is, the more difficult this can become. For instance, it can be easier to speak up in a meeting or classroom, where you can raise your hand, but far harder at the lunch table in a loud cafeteria or at a boisterous cocktail party. If you’ve ever wished that there were rules or structure to social situations instead of lawless chaos, the Circle and its talking piece provide a calming balm that gives everyone an opportunity to speak.

SIGN 3: You’re a deep listener… But who is listening to you?

Feeling heard by others, by our peers, is one of the most fundamentally human needs that can be identified. We all long for it. Crave it. It helps us to feel REAL. Being witnessed and heard by the other confirms our existence at the very least and makes us feel loved and accepted at best. It’s very important for our sense of self and mental health. Maybe you’ve been told you are a great listener, and people come to you often, but this dynamic often leaves you chronically under-expressed. You care about others and naturally give them space, but you either struggle to share yourself or you find yourself in spaces or around people who don’t reciprocate. Foundational principles of Circle are listening and equality, ensuring that everyone benefits from being heard.

SIGN 4: You believe in fairness. If one person shares, everyone should get the chance.

I’m sure you’ve been in rooms where someone is taking up all the space and dominating the conversation. I’m sure you’ve been in meetings where things would have turned out differently if everyone in the room had a say. Ideas such as representation, centering people or groups, and “lived experience” have entered common consciousness in recent years. But caring about, or focusing on the perspectives, wisdom, knowledge, or experience of all people, rather than only a select few, is not a new concept.

Democracy, an idea generally associated with the founders of America, had its own independent origins in the indigenous peoples of this continent. The Haudenosaunee Confederacy was so influential on Benjamin Franklin and the writers of the US Constitution that Congress passed a 1988 resolution to acknowledge its influence. Circle processes, derived from indigenous ways of dialoging, are inherently democratic and non-hierarchical.

Circles operate under the assumption that “we all have gifts and everyone is needed for what they bring”. When everyone in the room is given the chance to reveal a part of themselves, you often get the experience of both surprise at how much you have in common with another person, and also surprise at how little you knew about that person. Similarly, no matter what the topic, 10 stories from 10 different humans is always bound to remind us of the things that make us human.

SIGN 5: You thrive when there is structure, rhythm, and a clear container.

Maybe you’ve never thought about it before but there’s a good chance that the gatherings where you enjoy yourself the most are the ones that have a clear purpose and structure. Priya Parker speaks to this in her book the Art of Gathering. It gives us something we can relax into, we know our purpose for being there, and our role. Ritual, at its most basic, is a repeated series of actions. The repetition of rituals in Circle creates a clear structure that decreases anxiety because it removes the guesswork of what is going to happen next. We know, the talking piece is going to move to the left, all the way around, and then we will be prompted with another question, so on and so forth. In this situation, our brains and bodies can take a break from the constant monitoring of our surroundings for information or threats. In the absence of this kind of environmental scanning, we can sink into that crucial, rare state of being: Presence.

SIGN 6: Ritual, ceremony, and spirituality have always whispered to you.

Do you find yourself excited about “traditions”? Are you the one who always insists on singing Happy Birthday while the rest of the group groans? Do you try in your own small ways to bring intentional, reflective, dare I say “spiritual” moments into your everyday gatherings? Maybe you even insist on the birthday person sharing a little bit about how their year has gone. SOMETHING! ANYTHING! to lean into what makes any of this matter!
I was like this… But I didn’t know how or have the guts to actually step in and request the depth I desired until I had learned to practice Circle. In my adulthood, I have leaned FAR into my desire for meaningful, intentional spaces, conversations, and relationships. I have unapologetically pursued meaning and connection to the things which we can’t see, but are there all the same, influencing our lives: cycles, milestones, the passing of time. Circle, not unlike ritual or ceremony, provides a way not just to acknowledge but also honor those things that give our lives meaning - how we’ve grown, what we have learned, gained, lost, what’s important to us.

SIGN 7: You’ve always believed relationships deserve more honor, care, and slowness.

You always suspected something was deeply wrong with our culture (and I’ll give you a hint, it IS capitalism, but that's a topic for another article 😂). Take school or work, for instance. You likely spend the entire day surrounded by others. But sometimes you don’t know a single one of them. The relationships are painfully superficial. There’s a misconception, a false and damaging belief, that is a cornerstone of American culture: The idea that there is no place for emotions in our public and work spaces. It’s so entrenched that I spend a lot of time in my consulting work coaxing people out of their “I just work here”-mindset. This mindset is the number one obstacle to people being willing to own and engage with the difficult conversations and conflicts that are plaguing their departments.

In so many ways, this works to the detriment of our workplaces and our all-important “productivity”. Many jobs require teamwork, and expecting people to work as a team without acknowledging the human element is laughable at best and tragic at worst. It is also a detriment to our mental health, considering that we spend the majority of our lives at work or school, when these spaces treat relationships as transactional and people as emotionless machines. We are all whole people, who have complex lives and vivid emotional landscapes. Yet the spaces where we spend the majority of our time, do not acknowledge this fact, let alone honor it, make room for it, or *gasp* invite it in!
Circle intentionally invites the whole person in, that is, the emotional, the messy, the dark and light, and everything in between. And so some people might be horrified at the idea of inviting personal or emotional content of their lives into the workplace or classroom. But these spaces would be a whole lot more HUMANe if we did.

Your Invitation Into the Work

My question for you is: Do you see these signs in your own life? In what areas? Do you yearn for ritual at home, with friends or family? Do you desire more profound closeness with the people you work with day to day?

Is Circle calling to you?
If you want to explore this practice and learn more about all the gifts it has to bring to our relationally deficient spaces follow Casting Circles for more Circle and relationship building content!